Why Routine Feels Hard: Trauma, Safety, and the Journey Back to Rhythm

In my online therapy work with clients across the UK, difficulty with routine is a common theme — especially for those navigating trauma or burnout.

We often think of routine as something rigid or dull — the kind of thing that stifles creativity. But in reality, routine is deeply natural. It’s not about control or discipline; it’s about safety.

Every morning, my animals remind me of this. The ducks chatter at the gate for their grain, the chickens go to roost as the sun goes down, the cats settle into their favourite patches of sun, the dog waits (somewhat impatiently) for the morning walk. No one instructs them to do this. They just know — their bodies trust the rhythm.

So why do we find it so challenging to follow through on simple routines like brushing our teeth or getting out of bed at the same time each day?

When Routine Feels Unsafe

For many people — especially those of us who’ve experienced trauma — routine doesn’t feel comforting. It can feel restricting, or even threatening. Not because we don’t want it, but because our nervous systems haven’t learned that predictability is safe.

Understanding Hypervigilance

If you've experienced prolonged stress, loss, or danger, your body may have adapted by staying alert, flexible, or avoidant. This is what neurobiology calls hypervigilance — a survival strategy where we scan for change, threat, or disruption, rather than settling into stillness.

In these states, routine can feel not possible. Many of my clients dealing with trauma yearn for it, yet they still find it out of reach.

Rest isn't always restful

Many people say they "can’t relax." For instance, someone might find it difficult to sit still during meditation or feel anxious when trying to unwind with a book. But it’s not that your body is broken. Your nervous system may have learned that slowing down was never safe — that danger arrived when you let your guard down. Sleep, relaxation, or even silence might register as vulnerable states to your brain.

When the nervous system is dysregulated, the part of the brain responsible for scanning for danger (the amygdala) becomes overactive, and the parts that help us feel grounded (like the prefrontal cortex or ventral vagal complex) can feel out of reach. This means basic self-care like eating, bathing, or resting gets bumped off the list.

Reclaiming rhythm gently

Remember, it’s not laziness or a lack of discipline. It’s biology doing its best to protect you. The work is not to force a routine, but to rebuild safety — slowly, kindly, and consistently.

Try anchoring your day with just one thing that feels doable:

• Drinking a glass of water at the same time each morning

• Stepping outside for two minutes of air

• Feeding yourself something nourishing

  
  

  Over time, these small rituals can help signal to your nervous system that life is safe enough now to be predictable.

We’re not machines — we’re ecosystems

Even plants turn to the sun at certain times. Our biology — and our pain — crave rhythm. Routine isn’t about productivity. It’s about containment. A kind of holding. And when we’ve known chaos, that kind of holding can be terrifying to trust again.

But you can start small. You can start slow. And you don’t have to do it alone.

If you’re struggling with trauma, anxiety, or finding a rhythm that feels right for you, I’m here to help.

Reach out today to schedule a session and start your journey towards a more balanced and fulfilling life. Contact me to learn more about how we can work together to reclaim your rhythm and find safety in routine.